Isn’t it hard that when you finally made it home and you’re alone and you’ve left behind all the noises and impressions of work, the street, maybe the TV or radio, and you’ve longed for this blissful moment of peace the whole day… and then you’re too damn tired to enjoy it? Welcome to my life.

Home alone this evening, as my ex (with whom I still live at the moment) is off to a pubquiz with classmates and friends. So I close the curtains, dim the lights, make sure the cat’s comfortable. I switch on my computer and want to watch that movie, write that blog entry but I just can’t do it!

Sure, I am aware it’s the Asperger’s / ADD combination that’s dragging down my energy levels. I register every noise, need to catch everything that flutters by the corners of my eye, need to glance about me all the time to feel a little more secure, etc. Aspie brains are more easily overloaded then neurotypical brains. For me, entering a busy room is comparable to an e-mail bomb clogging up your inbox.

Guess what I need is a winning lottery ticket so I can build my villa in the middle of the forest. I might include a panic room for very extreme circumstances. And a mute butler.


DSM-IV-TR Diagnostic Criteria for Asperger’s Disorder (via “Nathen’s Miraculous Escape”)

Check out this blogpost from the blog “Nathen’s Miraculous Escape,” it sums op nicely what is considered to be Asperger’s Disorder. I have highlighted the parts that particularly relate to myself.


Diagnostic criteria for 299.80 Asperger’s Disorder

A. Qualitative impairment in social interaction, as manifested by at least two of the following:

(1) marked impairment in the use of multiple nonverbal behaviors such as eye-to-eye gaze, facial expression, body postures, and gestures to regulate social interaction

(2) failure to develop peer relationships appropriate to developmental level

(3) a lack of spontaneous seeking to share enjoyment, interests, or achievements with other people (e.g., by a lack of showing, bringing, or pointing out objects of interest to other people)

(4) lack of social or emotional reciprocity

B. Restricted repetitive and stereotyped patterns of behavior, interests, and activities, as manifested by at least one of the following:

(1) encompassing preoccupation with one or more stereotyped and restricted patterns of interest that is abnormal either in intensity or focus

(2) apparently inflexible adherence to specific, nonfunctional routines or rituals

(3) stereotyped and repetitive motor mannerisms (e.g., hand or finger flapping or twisting, or complex whole-body movements)

(4) persistent preoccupation with parts of objects

C. The disturbance causes clinically significant impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.

D. There is no clinically significant general delay in language (e.g., single words used by age 2 years, communicative phrases used by age 3 years).

E. There is no clinically significant delay in cognitive development or in the development of age-appropriate self-help skill, adaptive behavior (other than in social interaction), and curiosity about the environment in childhood.

F. Criteria are not met for another specific Pervasive Developmental Disorder or Schizophrenia.

There is quite a bit of controversy about it, but it looks as if Asperger’s Disorder will only be around for a couple more years. This diagnosis will probably get the axe in the upcoming DSM-V, when it arrives, subsumed into the so-called Autism Spectrum. It will be interesting to watch how a change in language will change how we think about a certain constellation of behaviors. If you’re interested, I have a link here to the proposed changes to … Read More

via Nathen’s Miraculous Escape

Living in one house with your ex

Considering that this blog is intended to be a diary, I think I should explain something about my current living situation.

Just several months before starting this blog – and coinciding with my Aspie & ADD diagnosis – me and my girlfriend of four years broke up. Four years almost to the day weirdly enough. We were, and are, living together. Both of our financial situations at the moment are such that we cannot afford to move out. So there you go: broke up but still living together and still doing things together as a result.

So when I write something about “me and the ex doing groceries together” or some such thing, you won’t have to wonder.

This (often rather unfortunate) situation will go on for at least another three or four months until we are both financially capable of getting our own places.


12-Year-old Aspie math genius.

This morning I went over my daily blogroll and stumbled upon this article by Phil Plait on “Bad Astronomy.”  He is reporting on a story that circulating about a certain Jacob Barnett; a 12-year-old math genius. And he is and Aspie. The kid has his own YouTube channel where he talks about various mathematical topics.

Granted, the boy is a math genius (but note Plait’s reservations about any 12-year-olds claiming to go and prove Einstein wrong) but what it makes me wonder is how different Asperger’s can be from case to case. Read a little more on Barnett here.

Personally, I’m a disaster with advanced math. There is a ceiling that I hit in school that has “probability theory” written all over it. I never managed to get over that hurdle and beyond. Another thing I don’t have in common with Barnett is taping myself talking about one of my peefs and putting it on the internet. I would never do that.

Maybe his parents or teachers are pushing him a little bit there. One thing is for sure: I love how he is being encouraged to grow his Aspie talent, something I never got and sorely miss now.


Aspergatory: what is this blog?

I live in Aspergatory.

“Forget what you thought you knew about purgatory. Forget what the priests told you. Forget what the scripture tells you. Purgatory is right here, right now. You’re living it, pal!.”
– Unknown

Recently, I was diagnosed with a form of high-functioning autism more conveniently called “Asperger’s Disorder” – named after the scientist who first described it: Hans Asperger. More specific even: Asperger’s Disorder with elements of Attention Deficit Disorder.

That little sentence right there has upturned life as I knew it. Nobody ever noticed I was a that different from others? Well, I was known for a little eccentricity, sure, but nobody was thinking of a serious diagnosis apparently! I’m thirty years of age now, and one is born with Asperger’s, so I am left wondering where I would have been now had I been diagnosed at a young age.

So, yeah, what does this mean for my future? what does it mean for my perception of the past? How does it affect the people around me? As of now, I haven’t told anyone but my ex-girlfriend and my brother. How to break the news to others?

This blog will serve as a secret diary for me. Of course, it’s out here in the open, so what’s secret? Fair question. Why do it? Because first of all I would like feedback from readers and spar with them on topics. And second: because unfortunately there are many more people like me:
Adult and never diagnosed. Have spent a life of uncertainty, of feeling different. Of being bullied no doubt too! Misunderstood. Hated, despised?

Considering my mental blockages caused by the ADD, I shall try my hardest to keep going, but there can be these periods of non-postage, beware. In the past I would have never said this because of shame and appearing to give up before one starts, but now I think I understand myself a little better and it just  might be that I will need times to recharge a little bit.

Happy reading! (And leave comments please!)

Garner Passhe